Affair Recovery: The Truth About Affairs -- Debunking myth #5

Myth #5:  Affairs only happen in unhappy marriages.

It is a really common misconception that affairs happen in and because marriages are bad and unhappy.  This is not really the case.  Affairs can and certainly do happen in bad relationships but research is showing that affairs can happen in good marriages, as well.  I know, that may not seem to make sense and it may be a more than just a little unsettling. 

Remember that most affairs today are more about sliding across boundaries and seeing yourself as you are reflected by a new enamored person (if this sounds unfamiliar read through the previous myths and facts where this concept is more fully explained).  Since that is the case it does not take a dissatisfaction in a relationship for someone to unwittingly begin down the path that could lead them to an affair. 

Even in good, solid, and happy marriages couples have disagreements, sometimes very intense ones.  There are moments in even the best marriages where partners may feel fed up.  And now matter how strong a marriage, our partner of many years is probably just as aware of our flaws as we are.  Our partners, most likely, don't spend a large part of the workday with us (as other-gender coworkers do), and our spouses are probably not there to witness all of our workday victories (even the smallest ones) as our coworkers are (I keep mentioning coworkers because most affairs start between coworkers).  So, even a happily married person can begin a personal friendship with a coworker that is potentially dangerous to the marriage.

The best remedy against potential problems in your happy marriage is to make sure your work relationships are totally transparent.  Talk with your spouse about your friendships with your coworkers, especially any you are particularly close to.  If you notice you have stopped talking to your spouse about your friendships at work please take honest, serious stalk about the relationship.  If you find yourself saying, either to yourself or anyone else, "we're just friends,"  that is usually a red flag.

Until next time...

I wish you peace and healing.