Affair Recovery: The Truth About Affairs

Myth #9:  People have affairs because they are not getting enough sex in their marriage.

Truth:  The person having the affair is usually the one who was least interested in sex and is giving the least in the marriage.

It is a very common and longstanding misconception that people stray because they need extra on the side since they are not getting enough at home.  The truth is that the majority of people who have affairs were the ones who were least interested in the sexual part of the marriage not only after the affair started but before the affair started.  In fact, they are usually the one that gives the least in the marriage in other ways, as well, not just in sexual ways.

When someone is giving relatively to the life of the marriage it is often because they are not all that invested for one reason or another.  Now, the reason may be that the just don't know how to give in a relationship and are maybe not even aware that they are NOT giving.  What they do become aware of is that they are not feeling connected and not getting a lot out of the relationship without necessarily realizing this is because they are not giving and are not invested.  This makes them vulnerable to going outside of the marriage for emotional closeness and an affair develops.

Often the spouse who is not straying has been the one who has been trying to turn up the sexual heat in the relationship often to just be rebuffed.

Until next time....

blessing,

Barbara

Comments

[Emily]

I hadn't thought of it in that context, but I think that is true.