Affair Recovery: The Truth About Affairs

Myth #8:  Emotional Affairs (when there has been no sexual involvement) are not really affairs.

Truth:  Emotional Affairs are and can be just as devestating as affairs where there is sexual involvement. 

Empotional affairs may not be considered as taboo in our society but as far as the marriage or relationship go they are still doing a great deal of damage.  First, the "cheated" on partner is hurt and angry because there is still a sense of being betrayed.  "You are sharing and talking about your thoughts and feelings with her and not with me."  This still puts the "betrayed" spouse on the outside and being left out of a new bond.  That is the betrayal.  And for women, emotional affairs are often more hurtful than if their spouse is having a sexual encounter that doesn't have any emotional ties. 

Also, anything can really be as harmful as an affair.  If you are pulling your energy out of the marriage and investing it in someone else whether there is sexual involvement or not you are putting someone else before your spouse.  The marriage suffers and the spouse suffers.  If one partner is playing golf every spare minute outside of work that is also damaging to a marriage in a similar way as an affair is.  It may not feel like a betrayal but there is a pulling energy and investment out of the marriage and putting it toward something else.

Often people end up going down a road but don't realize it because emotional affair (like sexual affairs) often begin with friendships usually at work.  A big red flag is if you find yourself not telling your partner about your friend or about what you and your "friend" are talking about.  Now you have something to worry about.  If you find yourself thinking, she'd be mad (or he'd be mad) but "we're just friends" know you are in dangerous territory.  If you ever find yourself justifying a relationship with the words "we're just friends" either to yourself or to your spouse you have probably already crossed a line and maybe you aren't even aware of it yet.  That phrase should give you pause to stop and really think about what is really going on between the two of you.

Until next time,

Blessings,

Barbara