Three Simple Questions

What would you say if I told you you could begin to improve your relationship by asking yourself just three simple questions?  It might sound a little rediculous, I know, but it is true.  By asking yourself these three simple questions each day you can begin to set your relationship on a new path.  Here are the three questions that Peter Pearson and Ellyn Bader of The Couple's Institute recommend asking yourself each day:

1. What is important to my partner (in terms of the relationship)?
2. Why is it important to my partner?
3. What am I going to do about it today?

The first question focuses your mind, heart and intention on your partner and what they want, desire or need in the relationship.  These are usually not huge things, either.  You probably know what they are, if you are not sure, ask yourself what it is that your partner complains that they want from you that you don't do or give them.  For instance, it might be really important to your partner to hear "I love you," regularly.  For some people it may feel loving to be given a little uninterrupted time to unwind after a hectic day at work.  Others might feel very taken care of if you remember to enter the checks in the register each time.  And someone else might just melt if you took the time to really look into your partner's eyes from time to time.  And, still for someone else, it's amazing how far just putting your laundry directly into the hamper will go.  If you are still uncertain what these things might be then take a few minutes to ask your partner.

The second question helps you understand the reason for the request.  When we develop our understanding of our partner and their hidden wounds, desires and hopes which fuel these requests and wants we not only feel closer to them, we have more compassion for their point of view/desire.  When we feel more compassion we are usually automatically more motivated to provide those things for them.

The third question doesn't really need any explanation.  If your relationship is lacking these kinds of actions on a regular basis, then you will be taking a huge step in turning the tone of your relationship around and setting it on a new path.  Imagine what it would feel like if your partner suddenly started doing things in your relationship that are really important to you?  The things that make you feel appreciated, heard, seen, maybe even a little cherished?  If you are like most people, you would begin to feel more generous toward your partner, as well.  Then you would probably begin doing some of the things that your partner would love.  Then, you might find yourselves in a cycle of positive and loving behavior. 

What if your relationship isn't lacking these types of interactions but they aren't as regular as they could be?  If you are like most people, life is busy and often full of daily stress and tedious tasks to attend to.  You may be too tired or distracted to remember the small things which your partner loves and which help the two of you to stay connected.  Stopping each morning to ask yourself these three questions can be the reminder to help you focus on your partner for just a few minutes.  You can begin to make the bond between you even deeper than it may already be.

Until next time....

I wish you continued love in your relationship.