Marriages Need Kindness

Not too long ago I was on the Outer Banks of North Carolina as one of a group of 22 family members ranging in age from 4 years to 69 years old gathered for a week to celebrate the 50th anniversary of my husband's parents.  Wow! 50 very solid and by all accounts happy years.  Because this was such a landmark occasion, that week imparticular, I was thinking about marriages, relationships, what makes some work, what makes some weather the inevitable storms in any longterm intimate relationship?  What really caught my attention, as I pondered these questions all week long, was the kindness my in-laws show toward one another.  Sometimes in very small ways and sometimes in larger ways they are so kind to one another.  As I watched them  interact, I started contemplating past visits with them and realizerd they always have behaved this way with one another, consistently over the 20 years I have known them.  It wasn't just because this was the occasion of their 50th anniversary, this was the norm.  There are numerous ways in which they express kindness toward one another.  This may not seem so difficult, yet for many couples I know it is often a struggle for partner's to show that kind of kindness.

What I find just as striking is, even in those moments when they are not particularly happy with one another, and all couples have those moments, they are able to show each other respect and consideration amidst their disagreement and conflict.  As I've watched them I've seen that they are in no way being fake with one another.  They simply insist on acting with integrity toward one another and integrity about who they aspire to be in their relationship.  Clearly they have figured out who they need to be to be the best and most effective relationship partner they can and they have managed to execute it brilliantly.

Who do you aspire to be in your relationship?  What are the characteristics of the partner you want to be to your spouse?  Figure that out, be that partner and pave the way to your own 50 year long love affair.

Until next time....