Creating A Successful Marriage: Affair Proof Your Relationship

I can't tell you how much damage an affair can do to a relationship.  Most of the couples I see in my office have struggled with the impact of an affair.  Seeing the pain affairs can cause up close over and over again, I want to shout out from the rooftops to anyone who will listen about how to affair proof your marriage.   I feel so passionate about this particularly because most of the couples I've worked with on affair recovery were not in bad marriages. Most of them were in marriages both partners described as good or happy. 

In today's world, most affairs begin at work with colleagues.  Typically, initially neither partner is looking for emotional or sexual contact, but rather, as their collegial relationship becomes more personal, their feelings of emotional intimacy grow and it becomes easier and easier to slide across boundaries.  Following are six signs to watch out for.  If any of the following signs are characteristic of your behavior you could be entering very dangerous territory.

Sign #1

You find yourself sharing your personal life, especially information about your marriage or spouse, with your "friend."

Sign #2

You are spending more and more time with your colleague; more lunches, more drinks after work, etc. even if you don't have a project deadline.

Sign #3

You have suddenly stopped telling your spouse about your work lunches with your co-worker, or about the conversations you have with one another, you are beginning to create secrecy around your work relationship and this is a big red flag.  Examine honestly why you have stopped telling your spouse about your work relationship.

Sign #4

You have begun taking phone calls from or making phone calls to your colleague at home and are hiding these conversations from your spouse.

Sign #5

Your co-worker knows more about your spouse and your relationship than your spouse knows about your co-worker.

Sign #6

You respond to your spouses' recent inquiries and concerns about your relationship with your co-worker defensively with the repeated refrain, "don't be rediculous, we're just friends," trying to dismiss his/her concerns immediately.

I have listed these signs in order of increasing danger.  If you find any of these signs true for you, please look at yourself and your situation honestly.  The impact of an affair can be devastating and it can lingerfor a very long time, even for those couples who decide to stay together and work on their relationship.  If you are having trouble sorting out exactly how and what you feel and how to proceed, consider obtaining guidance from an objective professional.

Until next time....

wishing you your best relationship.