A question I get asked often is, "How can we make our marriage/relationship better?" Well, it takes a combination of things and the good news is most marriages already have many of those things. Things like devotion, commitment, respect, honesty, caring, appreciation are among those things which make a marriage strong and healthy.
What I have found with a lot of couples, whether they are couples who come to see me in my office or just friends and acquaintances, is that relatively few of them give themselves and each other the gift of "couple time."
In this very hectic, fast-paced world we live in, with so many tasks on our to-do lists, and the kids, sometimes its our intimiate relationship that is the thing that gets put on hold. Its so easy to take little pieces of time away from it in the beginning. We figure just until this time crunch is over, but sometimes the time crunch just doesn't go away and we keep short changing our partners and our relaitonships.
Our relationships are like gardens. If we don't water, nourish and weed them they wither. When all the other pieces of a relationship are in place, they can begin to fade if there isn't energy put into keeping the connection alive and growing between the two of you.
Think back to how great it was when you were courting and you new you would have time to spend together. Spending that much time just being together may not be realistic for you now but imagine how a quiet dinner out, a trip to the museum and lunch on a lazy Sunday afternoon, a playful date at the baseball game, a walk along the beach or a short nearby hike would feel. It doesn't have to be a huge length of time and it doesn't have to be expensive, but it would help a great deal if it were consistent.
I recently spoke to a couple who had always had a good, solid marriage but lately they were feeling very distant, disconnected and in the details of the daily business and stress started becoming irritable with one another. I helped them take an inventory of their schedules, how they spent their time and how much of it was devoted to each other. The light dawned before I even had to say anything. They immediately set up a plan to nurture and protect their "couple time." Within weeks they felt they had reached the levels of caring and connectedness they shared before.
This week, take an inventory of your schedule. How much time do the two of you take for each other. It really is a necessity and I encourage you to think of it as a gift. One you are giving not only to your partner, but to your relationship and ultimately to yourself, as well.
Until next time....
I wish you loving relationships.
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