Tired of all the "hard work" of making marriages work? Bogged down by all the talking to create a healthy relationship? Then I've got some good news for you. Take a little break from all that and surprise your partner!
It may sound a little too simple but little, or not so little, thoughtful surprises can shift some of the energy in your marriage to appreciation and connection. Think about it, how would you feel if your beloved surprised you with little things you really liked, out of the blue, unexpected, from time to time? You would probably feel appreciated for being you and appreciative, loved, noticed, cared for and maybe even a little cherished.
It's a great perscription for giving a relationship a little energy. These days, with so many to-do lists, multitasking, and the way we get caught up in the mundane details of daily living, what relationship couldn't use a little extra umph? And, if your relationship has been in a bit of trouble, this strategy could be just what you need to begin to disrupt the negative patterns between you and your mate.
Here's the way to do it. Notice what your partner likes. For example, if your partner mentions how much she'd like a massage, get her a gift certificate for one. If you are out together and your wife stops to ogle a particular pair of shoes she loves but shrugs and moves on, go back later and get her the shoes. If your husband mentions a new electronic gadget he's like and he's not likely to get it for himself, get it for him.
Here is part of the trick that makes this really successful, though. Don't give your partner the surprise right away. Instead, wait about a month and then give it to him or her. He or she will have probably forgotten they ever mentioned it to you and will likely melt just thinking that you went out of your way to remember and take the time to go get it. Give a surprise to your mate about once a month. It doesn't have to be a big purchase. Sometimes it's the little things that mean the most.
If you are not sure what kind of surprise your partner would like, ask him or her. Ask your partner to write a list of about a dozen things to surprise them with. "Won't that ruin the surprise, though?" you are asking yourself. They will most likely forget after a while that you asked them. They may vaguely remember the first month you give the surprise but they will soon forget what they put on the list. And, if you ask them for a dozen then you have a whole year's worth of surprises.
I have never seen this technique fail. Every single couple to whom I have suggested this, as later told me that they received such great responses the first time they did it that that was enough motivation to continue to do for the rest of the year. Whether they were in healthy marriages but they wanted a more connected and passionate relationship or they were in troubled marriages, this technique was helpful in restoring them to a more passionate relationship.
Until next time...
wishing you loving and fun relationships
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