So are you having one of those moments when you feel let down or angry with your partner for something they've done, or maybe haven't done? Are you ready to have it out with them for the umpteenth time except that in the back of your head you figure it probably won't do any good? Then you will probably not say anything or take the chance anyway, but because you figure it won't do any good you may be getting ready for a fight?
That can be a tough place to be in. You need to tell your partner how you are feeling and what you need, and yet, that very thing could start another round on the hamster wheel. Round and round with no resolution.
It can be hard to get our partners to listen when we have a "complaint." They will likely get defensive or launch a "counter attack." Wouldn't it be great to get to say what you have to say and have your partner hear you without fighting back? Wouldn't it be even better if the two of you actually resolved the issue? YES, it would!!
There are several strategies to help you move closer to that goal. The first one and the one I'm going to tell you about in this posting is truly simple and unlike many of the others, very easy. BE CAREFUL OF YOUR TIMING AND ASK FOR AN APPOINTMENT. Yes. That's it. When you have something to talk to your partner about wait until a "nonstressed" moment to let your partner know that you have something you want to talk about. It is probably better not to ask right when your partner is obviously stressed, has just walked in the door from a busy day at work, has just finished an exhausting day wrangling children, etc. Instead, wait for a time in the day when your partner is more relaxed and calm, maybe after dinner, after the kids are in bed and the TV is on, perhaps during some downtime on the weekend. Then let your partner know you want to talk to them about something and if now is a good time. If it's not a good time then ask them when would be and make an appointment.
This gives you a better chance of being successful because your partner won't be already stressed, won't feel ambushed and may react differently than usual simply because you've taken a different and thoughtful approach. I've heard partners say that they were able to listen better when there was an issue looming because they felt their partner took their feelings into consideration from the very beginning of the interaction.
This combined with making sure you don't make other communication stopping mistakes such as: making general comments about your partner's character, using a harsh tone of voice, talking about more than one issue at a time, or giving several examples of the same transgression, will get you closer to the outcome you'd like.
Until next time...
Love your love relationship
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