Building a Stronger Marriage: Cherishing Your Partner

When was the last time you did something to make your partner feel cherished?  When was the last time you felt cherished? Well, since the best way to get is to give let's start with what you can do to cherish your partner. 

Think back to when your relationship was new.  Close your eyes and picture in your minds eye all the small (and big) things that you did for your partner.  You remember the times when it felt effortless to shower your partner with your attention and  your energy.  Did you pack a special picnic on a Sunday afternoon with some of his or her favorites from the local gourmet grocery?  Did you make a secret stop at the boutique to get that artisan necklace she admired the other week to give to her as a surprise?  Did you make sure you looked into his eyes when the two of you would talk?  Did you give her a great foot massage in the evenings?  Did you take a few minutes to spontaneously rub his shoulders and pepper the massage with sensual kisses on his neck just because?  Did you just make sure you held hands when walking down the street because you knew that was so important?  Did you compliment and appreciate your partner?

Whichever of those or other cherishing things you did chances are if you've been together for a while, maybe a few years, these gestures that used come so spontaneiously and seeml so effortless and fun to do may now not be happening quite as much.  They may not be happening merely as much.  And when this happens we tell ouselves that is because we are busy with the day to day tasks of living.  We tell ourselves that that it is only natural for that kind of attention to wane after being in a relationship for a while.  Or we tell ourselves that our partner knows we love them because of our commitment.  Yes, all those things are true.  However, letting our relationships be serviced through autopilot is letting them flounder.  Steering on autopilot is part of why the spark dies, why a lot of the excitment is gone, why we just don't feel as connected or emotionally intimate, why we may feel flat or bored.

My favorite metaphor for a relationship is a garden.  We can spend a lot of time sitting in it but if we don't get up and water and fertilize it it will die.  If we only do those things once in a while our gardens may not be completely dead but they are far from looking really alive and beautiful.  Believe me, I know you are short on time.  There is so much to do and not enough time to do it.  You maybe feel tired and burned out.  Yet, we know that people are relational and people in good relationships have more of a sense of well being than people who are not.  And, many of us want "me" time to feel rejuevenated.  That is very important.  But maybe if you start thinking about the time and energy investment in your relationship as an investment in yourself you will begin to find the spaces here and there in your day to turn off the cruise control and steer your relationship on purpose.

Whether its a larger time investment like a picnic or a 10 minute unexpected shoulder rub with a nice oil, or a few special words you know your partner loves hearing, or a nice cup of coffee you make without being asked, make the investment in your relationship and in yourself.

Until next time....

Wishing you love in your love relationship,

Barbara