Hi. I hope you are doing well and feeling loved, today. I know it's been a while since I've created a new post. Things have been a little crazy and I've been spending a lot of time working. But, I promised myself that this week I would create some sacred space in the week and tend to the things that are really important to me. Writing this blog is certainly one of them. I love sharing information I think will be useful to people who are committed to creating the best relationship they can.
So, I've been dying to share with you a reflection on love I recently read, "Prepare for Love." It was written by Daphne Rose Kingma and I think is not only beautiful but very very wise. I hope you enjoy it.
Prepare for Love
In order to receive love, you need to know what love consists of for you. Just holding the vague hope that you'll "get loved" ....isn't enough. Our experience of love is very specific. We feel loved when we receive exactly the kind of love that speaks to us.
So, today, if you are seeking love or desire to feel more love, ask yourself the following questions: What would the person who loves me look like? How would he or she speak to me? How would he or she touch me, move, behave in the presence of my body?
What are the words she would say? What are the things I would need to him to tell me? What, most of all do we enjoy doing together? Why would she love me? What would be the reason he or she has chosen to love me?
This reflection really speaks to me and it beautifully embodies what I teach my couples in my sessions and in my workshops. You have to let your lover/spouse/intimate partner know what you need and want. You need to let them know what touches your heart. So, often I hear from partners, "we've been together so long she should know by now what I need," or "If he really loved me he would know," or "if I have to ask then it doesn't mean anything." NOTHING could be further from the truth. It is so sad to hear of a husband who brought his wife beautiful roses who then feels dissappointed and confused when she does not swoon. You see, all she wanted, what would make her feel loved was if he had just done the dishes one night without her having to ask. This is just one example, but it happens all the time.
We each have a few special things, certain touches, special words, particular glances or gestures which are not just "nice" and "thoughtful" but actually make our hearts melt. Chances are when we do kind loving things for our partners we are doing those things which we would love. Our partners may be very different from us in that way. Each person is unique in what makes them melt. Dissuade yourself of the idea that it is less meaningful if you have to let your partner know what you need or ask for what you want. Rather than seeing it as inferior, remember that in doing so you are acknowledging the differences between the two of you, honoring those differences and gently and kindly moving toward each other in intimacy when you can communicate your wants and desires directly and lovingly.
Until next time...
Wishing you love in your love relationship
Barbara
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